Mom Risks Everything to Steal Precious Moments with Kids
What Would You Do?
A British mother risked everything to steal a few precious moments with her twin boys after many years of not being allowed to see them at all. Beth pulled off what so many mothers deprived of custody dream of doing: she connected with her children in person, albeit very briefly.
The risk paid off in that Beth and her boys were able to make a meaningful connection. She was able to let them know she has never given up fighting to see them.
But she was found out and punished. Within hours.
Beth had traveled from London to Vienna, where the Austrian father had been granted sole custody, to pull off this amazing little reunion. She boarded the tram her kids take to school every day and was there when they embarked.
She hugged and kissed Sammy and Benji and told them how much she loves and misses them. She even had enough time to catch up on some life details before their stop at their school came up too soon.
The boys were obviously happy about this surprise visit from their long-lost mother. They are apparently being raised by housekeeper/nannies.
But the school principal seems to have ratted Beth out and within hours of the reunion the father took out a Restraining Order [RO] against her. Now she can be arrested if she tries to see them again.
Following the brief encounter, Beth posted a message to her boys on her Facebook page “Reuniting Beth with her Boys” [hopefully they know about this page]:
My darlings!! It was a dream come true!!!
How I longed for and dreamed of this moment - to see you, to kiss you and hug you. We managed to steal a few precious moments together on the tram. Moments I'll cherish forever…
I was told you signed letters saying you wanted no contact but it didn't look like your handwriting?
I risked everything to come and see you. As predicted, we were found out and punished. Today I got a restraining order. I'm not allowed near you anymore. Cannot go within 100 metres of you, your flat or school. This was not your fault, none of it is.
I love you so so much and I will never give up on being your Mama.
Perhaps the saddest part of Beth’s feat is that the father made the boys write letters saying they did not want their mother to contact them again. These letters were used to support his request for the RO. That must have caused the boys so much pain to have to denounce their own mother.
Not that the father even needed these letters. The judge would have given the father the RO anyway. Otherwise known as: Judicially Enabled Paternal Alienating.
BETH’S STORY
Beth divorced her violent husband over ten years ago to escape his abuse but found herself with no power to maintain custody or protect her children from him after divorce. A judge fulfilled the father’s vengeful desire to do the one thing that would hurt Beth most: take her children away and turn them against her.
IN HER OWN WORDS:
I was a battered wife.
During a short 3 year marriage he pushed me, kicked me, pulled my hair.
He threw a chair across the room in a fit of rage. He threw an urn across the kitchen and broke our shelving unit.
He kicked a hole in our bedroom door.
His screaming left me cowering under the duvet trembling.
He controlled my every move.
He controlled the finances and made me write lists accounting for every cent I spent.
He forbade me from going to the toilet in the night.
He put his hands around my neck and tried to strangle me.
He called me stupid, fat, the ugliest woman he had ever seen.
He forged my signature to have the child benefits paid into his account.
He fabricated a diagnosis of mental illness and tried to have me sectioned.
But none of this compares to what came next:
He STOLE MY CHILDREN
He REDUCED MY CONTACT
He POISONED THEM AGAINST ME
He ERASED ME
Beth’s story has played out in the Austrian Family Court system the same way it would play out in any other family court in the world because the mainspring is the same. An underpinning patriarchal imperative drives all mothers’ stories.
Judge empowers abusive father to take and keep kids away from loving mother.
It is incumbent on judges, if they want to maintain or increase their own power and status, that they go along to get along with the status quo: maintaining the father’s power and control in the family—especially, but not entirely, white fathers who have status and money.
Beth is now a Family Court attorney in London. She now has a front row seat to the carnage.
Will she be able to help her own clients maintain custody and protect their children, or is the systemic discrimination too entrenched for even a seasoned and motivated attorney?
MOMS’ CREATIVITY IN CIRCUMVENTING ORDERS
Many mothers have gone to great lengths to sneakily connect with their children when a custody or restraining order bars them from contact or unsupervised visits.
Some mothers meet their kids at some point before, during or after the school bus, as Beth did. Some are more imaginative.
One mother built a tree house in an adjacent lot and would watch her kids from there, sometimes late into the night if windows remained uncovered. Another mom dressed up as an old man at a Halloween party where she knew her kids would be.
One mother brought her kids a gift of a potted plant to a supervised visit. It had a burner phone concealed in the bottom. Another mother left notes under a rock in a park near the father’s house where the children could easily go. Another got messages to her kids through a young adult wearing a backpack posing as a teen at the high school the kids attended.
Want to chat about the ways we mothers can connect with our kids against unjust court orders?
JOIN OUR NEW CHAT FEATURE!
The Women’s Coalition is going to try out the new CHAT feature on Substack. It allows for conversations about a topic of interest. Think of it as a unique, giant group chat among Coalition News & Views going on 6,000 subscribers—all of us who get the injustice and discrimination in Family Court!
The first CHAT thread will follow from this post: what you would do to sneakily see your kids, or would you not take the risk? If you are able to see your kids but have ideas for mothers who can’t, you can give them ideas and support. Also you can show support for Beth or discuss anything relevant.
You will be sent an email shortly after this one with instructions on joining the chat via the app if you need them. You will also receive an email with a link to the first thread. So you will have 3 emails from the Coalition today. Hope you’ll take a minute to help get our chat started.
You can open our chat via the Substack app or the web. On the web here: https://substack.com/chat
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IN RE my three " boys, after many years of not being allowed to see them at all, " ... ...
been e x a c t l y here // done e x a c t l y thus. Aprils y1993, and y1994. UTTERLY A N G E R I N G.
Disguised w/ man's wig, mustache & concrete trucker - jacket's embroidered name of ' Sam' on it.
FOUND ALL THREE for O N E week each April. Every day after their school. Clandestinely ... ... All.
... ... Ofherod, Commander Herod Edinsmaier's Handmaid
The pain and stress from being separated from your child has health consequences. My child became very anxious, had panic attacks, and was often very physically ill. He had several bouts of pneumonia. I passed out and developed heart issues. I had a cardiac loop recorder implanted for three years. I stayed in the area for about ten years to be near my son. I left the state when he left for college. Family court benefited my ex-husband in every way. I lived in my car for three weeks until I could find an apartment near my son. Distance helps but may not eliminate your child's traumatic bonding. This is a long fight that requires determination and perseverance. You have to take care of yourself as best you can.