Fathers are very important in the lives of their children. But not in the same way or as essential as mothers. Family law operates under the premise that fathers are equally capable of parenting their children as mothers are. It’s an easy one-size-fits-all approach to thorny custody issues designed to benefit fathers right groups and for the smoother operation of ill run family courts.
Viewing the mother in the same manner using the same criteria for assessment as a father in a custody dispute is like comparing apples and oranges. Especially if the mother is a stay at home mother who has assumed the traditional role of primary nurturer for her children since they were born while the father is employed to financially support the household.
The mother has invested herself in care of her children and lacks financial means for legal representation while the father has the financial resources of retaining an attorney. So, yet again, to pit a mother against a father in a custody battle involves discrepancies and inequality on numerous levels.
The children are the most impacted by custody being given to the father as they are uprooted to a new household, neighborhood, and school district. This is not in children’s best interest.
Especially if there are issues of abuse, domestic violence, criminal activity, and substance abuse, and coercive control that benefits from a mother’s less empowering position.
A father of several children from 3 marriages, I relate to this finding because I have always felt this way.
Yes, I care for my children and have always done what I could to encourage them in what was important to them, extend their comprehension and abilities, develop their skills and support them when they have needed it.
At the same time, I have never felt that I had other than after birth bonding with my children or that my role was as important or close as that of their mothers. Indeed, though many have considered my view of fatherhood as offensive or deficient, other than for the obligations it has placed upon me to care, support and be there for my children and their mothers, my role, as I see it, has been simply one of sperm donor.
I have never felt that I have had that innate bond that there is between mother and child and can't see how I could, for the act of insemination can hardly be in the same order as that of carrying a developing child for some 9 months and giving birth. If there wasn't a greater and more significant bond and impact of mother on child it would surely be surprising.
I don't see this view as taking anything away from fathers who do right by there children, respect them and support them. However, I do think that popular notions of the place and relevance of fathers are largely illusionary, as are so many cultural norms.
Yes!! Yes!! And I’ve been following Sam and reading his books for years… he’s basically saying what we already know
And if the father is an abuser, whether it’s physical, psychological, emotional… Our children are much better far away from them
I’ve known many women who’ve left high conflict, personalities, men who are abusive, and their children are doing so so much much better when the father disappears. And most of the time once all the court ballots are done, and the father loses, he bails out, moves away, and even stops paying. And those women, even though poverty is real,, and Sam is correct, the data is correct, they’re happy and healthy.
Loving mothers should receive primary custody of their children. They are a child's primary attachment. Mothers are very important in a child's life. Loving fathers realize that. Mothers do not want power and control over their children. They want to raise happy and healthy children. Family court judges often give child custody to males that request it. They enable abusive males to alienate children from loving mothers. Family court is about male power and control. Women have no enforceable rights. Children have no protection. Women must continue to unite and fight for a new system. A jury would give women and children a chance at justice. Family court must end. A child's best interests are to be with their loving mother. Thank you, Dr. Sam!
A month or two after my husband and I split up, my eight year old daughter said, "you know, Mom, I see more of Dad now that I did when he lived here." 1973.
It sounds like my brother is doing the same reactionary antics you witnessed (after accidentally impregnating a single mum who worked for him… facepalm moments. My mum is complicit - perhaps even recommended - keeping them a secret. My daughter and I only found out about this whole other family recently. Add to this that the single mum is brown and from a country intentionally disadvantaged by colonisers, while my bro is a privileged white piece of 💩 I can’t even…)
I recall Sam Vatkin writing as a self-identifying narcissist in the early 2000s. His material contributed to my making sense of my daughter’s biological father and acting protectively for her and myself (though I saved her, I’m still trying to recover from the shitshow)
(I don’t know if this adds anything, just saying…)
Fathers are very important in the lives of their children. But not in the same way or as essential as mothers. Family law operates under the premise that fathers are equally capable of parenting their children as mothers are. It’s an easy one-size-fits-all approach to thorny custody issues designed to benefit fathers right groups and for the smoother operation of ill run family courts.
Viewing the mother in the same manner using the same criteria for assessment as a father in a custody dispute is like comparing apples and oranges. Especially if the mother is a stay at home mother who has assumed the traditional role of primary nurturer for her children since they were born while the father is employed to financially support the household.
The mother has invested herself in care of her children and lacks financial means for legal representation while the father has the financial resources of retaining an attorney. So, yet again, to pit a mother against a father in a custody battle involves discrepancies and inequality on numerous levels.
The children are the most impacted by custody being given to the father as they are uprooted to a new household, neighborhood, and school district. This is not in children’s best interest.
Especially if there are issues of abuse, domestic violence, criminal activity, and substance abuse, and coercive control that benefits from a mother’s less empowering position.
This validates what was known for 9500 yrs when paternity wasn't even a thing. Brilliant!
A father of several children from 3 marriages, I relate to this finding because I have always felt this way.
Yes, I care for my children and have always done what I could to encourage them in what was important to them, extend their comprehension and abilities, develop their skills and support them when they have needed it.
At the same time, I have never felt that I had other than after birth bonding with my children or that my role was as important or close as that of their mothers. Indeed, though many have considered my view of fatherhood as offensive or deficient, other than for the obligations it has placed upon me to care, support and be there for my children and their mothers, my role, as I see it, has been simply one of sperm donor.
I have never felt that I have had that innate bond that there is between mother and child and can't see how I could, for the act of insemination can hardly be in the same order as that of carrying a developing child for some 9 months and giving birth. If there wasn't a greater and more significant bond and impact of mother on child it would surely be surprising.
I don't see this view as taking anything away from fathers who do right by there children, respect them and support them. However, I do think that popular notions of the place and relevance of fathers are largely illusionary, as are so many cultural norms.
Yes!! Yes!! And I’ve been following Sam and reading his books for years… he’s basically saying what we already know
And if the father is an abuser, whether it’s physical, psychological, emotional… Our children are much better far away from them
I’ve known many women who’ve left high conflict, personalities, men who are abusive, and their children are doing so so much much better when the father disappears. And most of the time once all the court ballots are done, and the father loses, he bails out, moves away, and even stops paying. And those women, even though poverty is real,, and Sam is correct, the data is correct, they’re happy and healthy.
Loving mothers should receive primary custody of their children. They are a child's primary attachment. Mothers are very important in a child's life. Loving fathers realize that. Mothers do not want power and control over their children. They want to raise happy and healthy children. Family court judges often give child custody to males that request it. They enable abusive males to alienate children from loving mothers. Family court is about male power and control. Women have no enforceable rights. Children have no protection. Women must continue to unite and fight for a new system. A jury would give women and children a chance at justice. Family court must end. A child's best interests are to be with their loving mother. Thank you, Dr. Sam!
LOOOONG, long K N O W N clinically = quite okay - kiddos ¡ OF CENTURIES ! of fatherlessness =
http://www.thelizlibrary.org/site-index/site-index-frame.html#soulhttp://www.thelizlibrary.org/fatherless/research-fatherless-children.html =
Attorney Kates' massive collection
http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/017.htm
Doc
He was 'surprised' to find that men are rageful and abusive in the face of science that doesn't centre them? Awwww bless.
A month or two after my husband and I split up, my eight year old daughter said, "you know, Mom, I see more of Dad now that I did when he lived here." 1973.
This.
It sounds like my brother is doing the same reactionary antics you witnessed (after accidentally impregnating a single mum who worked for him… facepalm moments. My mum is complicit - perhaps even recommended - keeping them a secret. My daughter and I only found out about this whole other family recently. Add to this that the single mum is brown and from a country intentionally disadvantaged by colonisers, while my bro is a privileged white piece of 💩 I can’t even…)
This is wonderful!!! Already known by so many but amazing and to be a man who has come to these findings even better.
Why else would so many men feel so threatened by women?
She hides her beauty not for modesty, but for safety.
And if that makes you feel rejected, maybe you weren’t seeing her to begin with.
This one’s not soft.
👉 https://open.substack.com/pub/adhdt1dm/p/here-is-why-women-fear-you
I recall Sam Vatkin writing as a self-identifying narcissist in the early 2000s. His material contributed to my making sense of my daughter’s biological father and acting protectively for her and myself (though I saved her, I’m still trying to recover from the shitshow)
(I don’t know if this adds anything, just saying…)