Chapter 7: "Foreplay"
From "The Saga of One F**ked Mother"
“Foreplay” is Chapter 7 of Dr. Blue’s novel: Mother-Fucking: The Saga of One Fucked Mother, which is based on her own Post-Separation Crisis. The Saga uniquely conveys to the reader how Family Court is metaphorically “mother-fucking” women, as protagonist Legion becomes “one fucked mother”.
Chapter 7 begins with Legion reminiscing about her first painful Christmas without her children. Alone, she muses about the surrealness of having to hire strangers (attorneys) to save her three boys from her ex. This leads to recollections of a couple of years into her marriage when her ex begins a kind of cruel, emotionally-abusive “foreplay”. She becomes relatively inured over the years to these regular violations…until one particularly brutal incident...
This “foreplay” represents pre-separation “mother-fucking” by Legion’s ex which expands into the post-separation “mother-fucking” by Family Court—described in more depth in Book 2. The Saga, in its entirety, thus encapsulates how women are, in a very real sense, doubly fucked—by their ex and the court, thanks to the patriarchal substrata of society and the legal system.
“Foreplay” follows “Ancestors in Training”, Chapter 6, which goes into Legion’s relationship with her family of origin. She breaks free from her abusive familial past as her rage surfaces and provides her with valuable insights. She comes to realize how she (along with women in general) has felt pressured all her life to suppress justified anger and how finally expressing it sets her free.
The first excerpt from The Saga includes the Prologue, Chapter 1: A Couple of Definitions; Chapter 2: How, How in the World Did We Get Here from There? Following are: Chapter 3: Holocausts; Chapter 4: No Witnesses, But Hey, Still No Contact; Chapter 5: Friends; and Chapter 6: Ancestors in Training. All published chapters are included in the Women’s Coalition News & Views Section: “The Saga of One F**ked Mother” accessible on the top bar of our home page.
Chapters are stand-alone interesting so it’s possible to start with this chapter and work back. A Character List follows to help readers at any point.
Sequential chapters are published every Wednesday. Of course, subscribers will find each new chapter in their inboxes, so make sure you subscribe if you haven’t yet!
TEASERS
…Instead, I was pondering on lawyers and the very odd, very surreal business it is of retaining some total stranger to conduct for you what will be—but, of course, the magnitude of it hasn’t nearly sunk in yet like it will later on—the most massive undertaking in your entire lifetime: the saving of your sons from … Mr.—Dr. Wonderful.
…But I knew deep, deep down in my gut of guts, he did, too, know. He knew it was killing me. That was precisely why he was fouling me with his flaying fetor. That was the express purpose for Herod’s horrid revelation.
BOOK ONE: Chapter 7
Foreplay
“ … and nothing explained the fact that the men all liked the conversation and participated happily. They talked in particular about how much they would like to fuck her in the ass.”
— from Andrea Dworkin’s Chapter 27, entitled “My Last Leftist Meeting” of her Heartbreak: The Political Memoir of a Feminist Militant.
Christmas Eve 1988 was a Saturday, making Sunday Christmas Day, of course. Herry met me on a sidewalk on the corner of Ninth and Ridgeway the previous October. “Neutral positioning” there his posturing lawyer had called it. We were both bundled up, the cold already well upon us that winter. Herry’s purpose was to declare that while the Boys lived with me since the actual physical separation in early June, they were to continue to go stay with him at his 24th Street, one-bedroom apartment every single weekend. As the Boys had already been doing.
For six months now Mirzah, Jesse, Zane and I had dwelled in the husbandless and the fatherless house at the edge of Brookside Forest, the $112,500 house that the husband and the father had purchased sight unseen by the Boys and me July 1987, the second one in our histories together as a family that he had bought without me or the Boys seeing it or inputting anything at all. The first one, back in Kansas, had been purchased just 14 months earlier by way of a size 40DD realtor who’d had hair that Jayne Mansfield-yellow, and after Dr. Edinsmaier had hunted housing there for our family less than a complete total of four hours from his first meeting her to his signing the purchase agreement and putting down $1,000 of our University of Mizzou graduate student funds in earnest money in May 1986. The understanding I had had with my husband before buying anything in Ames, an understanding that he and I had made in a telephone conversation with each other just a few days before the time of his Brookside house purchase then, had been that our absolute topmost buying price which was not to be surpassed … whatsoever, was $90,000.
And, of course, this Brookside Forest-in-Ames house was now itself up for sale because of the pending divorce proceedings. The Boys should be coming to stay with him, he’d ordered me on that nearby street corner, every single weekend so this, being Christmas now, was just another such weekend. So. They were gone. Christmas or not, they were gone: it was the weekend.
My thoughts were not on sugar plums, snow fairies, elves, angels. Not even on my angels, my Boys. Instead, I was pondering on lawyers and the very odd, very surreal business it is of retaining some total stranger to conduct for you what will be—but, of course, the magnitude of it hasn’t nearly sunk in yet like it will later on—the most massive undertaking in your entire lifetime: the saving of your sons from … Mr.—Dr. Wonderful.
* * * *
Two years into our marriage, 1978 it would have been, the year of the birth of my second child, Jesse, so I was most probably either pregnant at the time growing Jesse, or lactating for Jesse and again pregnant growing Mirzah, Herry Edinsmaier made the extremely grave mistake many, many men do. He had recounted—in bed one night, no less, while “messing around,” he called it,—or “screwing.” Sex was never, never, “Do you want to make love?” Only, “Do ya’ wanna screw?” “Do ya’ wanna mess around?” “How ’bout some pussy?” “How ’bout some strange?” The grammatical question even when the answer was already understood. Or, he just took it and didn’t bother to query first. That night in bed, Herry recounted about all the women that there’d been in his life before me. By that time. Two years into the marriage.
’Course I was believing him then. That the ones he had talked about had, indeed, comprised all of the women there had been. Note the past tense. Well, hell. Who’s to say now just how many there’d really been? Or weren’t? Or were … currently?
And how was it that somehow I just didn’t feel that Herry would want to hear all about any of the men that there had been in my life before him? As a matter of fact, that there had been quite literally … in me. For that matter. It was Herry’s foreplay for me to be told about his scores, but I couldn’t do the telling to him about mine. Somehow that was different, somehow that was ugly, wrong, disgusting.
John, Anton, Anton’s twin brother August, David, Etienne, the three roommates from the far-out electrically silver-decorated brownstone flat across from mine on West 85th Street, Eric, Steve and Stony—short for Winston, Ivy League Will, Ian, Ole who decades after our parting thought he’d … well, maybe, impregnated me at one time, had he? he had written long-distance from Oregon (with Zane by then loooong-grown!) to put his now!-somehow-bothering-him conscience at ease, Simon, Julio, Irish Tom who’d wanted to officially make me his fifth wife, Jackson, Angus, ad infinitum. Not infinitum exactly. Exactly 17. That I could remember. And was pretty certain all that there’d been.
From the New York City Civil Rights and Viet Nam/Woodstock good ol’ protestin’ days. Then from those days, too, of that year of preparatory course requirements at Iowa State before I’d received the acceptance letter to veterinary medical school. The 1960s and the 1970s: before teenage girls could—legally—buy condoms of any kind, gem-studded or otherwise, before birth control pills’ death-by-thrombus dosages had scientifically become … somewhat … more fine-tuned. When the concept of baby human beings being thought of at all, let alone, being thought of always as … ‘illegitimate’ … still forcibly visited itself daily into every young, unwed American woman’s vernacular. And most especially, before some wee thing termed Human Immunodeficiency Virus is found to elaborate itself and erupt into some not-so-wee thing now known as Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome.
But, hey, not only was it okay but even supposedly exciting me, arousing me, turning me way on, Herry imagined, for me to have to hear his lays’ names raspberried out of his mouth and onto my chest, my belly, my legs, onto and into all of me. That is—lays, and not ladys: it’s not a typo.
Fannie Issicran McLive had been one such person on Dr. Herod Edinsmaier’s list. About her then that night in his foreplay where he’d quickly brushed over her in his litany of more exploited females, Herry muttered, “She was just a very plain, really fat girl who used to talk to me between classes at the lockers at school.”
Some ten-plus years later, to his family and acquaintances, Herod Edinsmaier was announcing Fannie McLive as having been his “high-school sweetheart” with whom he, now freed of me, had been reunited at the 25th year, Class of ’64 reunion in 1989, she having pined away for him, her long-lost, in-her-head love, some 20+ years. Yeah. Right. Pined, she may have done. Lived life lovingly in the interim? Or pathetically? Pathetic.
As for she and he sweethearts? Not the genre at all that I remember being in high school. I wore Ricky’s class ring with miles of yellow angora yarn-rope wrapped around its back so’s it would fit the fourth finger, no matter that it looked like I was displaying a fuzzy buttery boulder on my left hand. He wore mine on a big-link, silver chain around his neck with his black leather jacket that sported the matching silver studs—’cuz I was wearing his warm, flannel-lined barn coat. He came over to Sunday chicken dinner with the family and hung out on the porch for a couple o’ hours afterwards while I pretended to be studying and then we left in his beater sky blue and rusty pickup for the bowling alley for sodas where we’d fight and break up ’cuz I wouldn’t put out and Angie would; Larry was gettin’ it and my Ricky wasn’t.
But then we’d be back together again by study hall the next day on Monday afternoon. Actually at certain times, as especially during the planting and harvest seasons—hormonal it might have been—there seemed to be our breaking up every three, four days for weeks at a time; then there’d be smooth sailin’ for just as many weeks. Then there was senior year when I was off to becoming a pre-med freshman at State and he wasn’t going’ off to college anywhere at all, and then the final bust-up had been for good. For the better, really. But so hard on both of us we thought we’d die of heartbreak.
That’s what being high school sweethearts was all about. As I recalled.
Not nodding at the person whose overhead locker was near mine one year while I exchanged books and assignments for different ones waiting on its shelves. Every so often exchanging views of the wintry Iowa weather that day with that other person as I jammed on my parka from its hook, grabbed my boots and ran to catch the bus.
It was 1987, just months before the June separation and this particular 1988 Christmas and Herry was still telling me such things. Always at night, always as part of foreplay, a prelude to banging me. One such night in the Brookside Forest bedroom, with its teal carpeting and the king-sized bed overlain by a lovely canary yellow bedspread, both the bed and the spread given us by my folks, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
What I was hearing spewed forth from out of the mouth, and therefore from its first biochemically formed inside the neuronal tissue, of a physician fully fledged and done with his residency at least an entire two years’ worth of time by now. Knots in my stomach balled up nearly immediately. I wanted to puke, but Herry hadn’t concluded yet … his husbandly ‘business’.
On that bed, Herry smirked out onto me and all of my body parts just how it was that he had, as a third-year student at the University of Iowa’s medical school and, therefore, required to complete obstetrics and gynecology coursework, —just how it was that he had wanted to have sexual intercourse with the guinea pig models. These alleged pigs were university coeds, female humans, hired and paid quite well by the school’s departmental administration to serve as, and quite literally be used in, laboratory. The women are practice individuals on whom the medical students learn to do vaginal examinations. Nothing virtual about these laboratory sessions, these lab practicals.
Dr. Herod Edinsmaier purred, between thrusts that night beside Ames’ urban Forest, that he’d gotten out of bed every morning that spring semester in that same rundown, coral trailer where I, then pregnant and growing Mirzah, those same mornings had bundled up Jesse and Zane, strapped the two into their respective carseats and driven 13 miles along narrow State Highway #1 dropping them off at their respective babysitter and pre-school folks before getting on to my veterinary practice, —that he had gotten out of bed every morning just absolutely delighted to be going to his class. He couldn’t wait to get to school, he spewed there in bed to me, because, “I wanted to drop my pants and pop ’em right there on the spot. Ya’ know, fuck ’em. But I couldn’t, ’course. There was no way to do it discreetly. But I would’ve if there had been!”
Splattering this out as though the flow of his story thread must be turning me on, mustn’t it? Saying it as though I would have thought him manly or irresistible. Like a stud. Like the ‘true’ physician that various diplomas and other similarly pillared men also sworn to “First, do no harm” had so thoroughly documented Dr. Herod Edinsmaier as now … being. And flinging it out there as though he had no clue that it was really killing me inside to hear such putrescence penetrating forth from Mr. Wonderful, from Dr. Wonderful!
But I knew deep, deep down in my gut of guts, he did, too, know. He knew it was killing me. That was precisely why he was fouling me with his flaying fetor. That was the express purpose for Herod’s horrid revelation. Now Herry’s ‘business’, his ejaculatory mother-fucking?—Fin.
* * * * *
LIST OF CHARACTERS
Dr. Legion True: One Fucked Mother
Dr. Herod (Herry) Edinsmaier: ex/“Sperm Source” [“re: I am snide” backwards]
Zane, Jesse, & Mirzah Truemaier: Legion’s three sons
AmTaham True: Legion’s father [Mahatma backwards]
Mehitable True: Legion’s mother [Me hit-able—i.e. she was abusive]
Ardys and Endys: Legion’s sisters [names backwards]
Sterling: Legion’s brother [mother’s planned name of next son (who never came)]
Juggern Aut Misein Edinsmaier: Legion’s father-in-law [juggernaut + misein = “to hate (misogyny)”]
Detanimod Edinsmaier: Legion’s mother-in-law [dominated backwards]
Fannie Issicran McLive: fawning enabler of ex [narcissis(t) and Mc(Evil) backwards]
Judge Barry Crowrook: Appellate Court judge
Judge Pansy Shawshank: Appellate Court judge
Judge Harley Butcher: Family Court judge
Friends: Yanira, Grace, Stormy, Lynda, László, Jane, Kincaid, Joseph, Sheryl
Author: Dr. Blue AKA Ofherod, BSN, DVM, PhD = Commander Edinsmaier's Handmaid (Commander reiamsnidE 's Handmaid)
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