“Maid”, a new Netflix miniseries, has gone viral. It is a compelling drama about a young mother who finally leaves her increasingly violent boyfriend only to find herself in a Custody Crisis.
This series presents an opportunity for discussion about the discrimination women face in Family Court, and this column evaluates what it gets right and wrong.
SPOILER ALERT: If you plan to watch Maid, you may want to wait until afterwards to read this article.
NOT-SO-GREAT ESCAPE
The last straw for Alex is when Sean violently slams his fist into the wall inches from her head in an alcoholic rage. Once he’s asleep, she escapes with little 2 year-old Maddy, but she has no money and nowhere to go. When she applies for aid, the social worker informs her that, although Sean has not hit her, his violence and verbal berating is emotional abuse, which qualifies her to stay at a domestic violence shelter.
Alex moves into a shelter and gets a job as a maid. She thinks she is finally free of Sean’s abuse and control. But…
Alex is only gone a few days when Sean does what so many men do: vindictively punishes her for leaving by taking Maddy away from her. As in real life, Family Court empowers him to do just that. At the hearing on Sean’s “emergency” motion, the judge effectively calls Alex a liar, deems her unfit and gives Sean temporary sole custody with Alex restricted to supervised visitation.
Alex returns to her room at the shelter and curls up on the floor in agony from losing Maddy. She has been with Maddy 24/7 since she was born. Another mom at the shelter comforts her, telling Alex she has also been on that floor many times and so have lots of other mothers who’ve come to the shelter. But, in reality, it is not just DV victims who’ve spent time on the floor after losing custody.
SWORD OF DAMOCLES
Now that Sean has Maddy, he gets his mother to babysit her most of the time. But he becomes annoyed with his mom and with Maddy constantly asking for her mommy, so he decides he will “share” custody. That translates to: he will get Maddy whenever he wants, and Alex will get her when he does not.
Sean remains in control and wields a Sword of Damocles: he is poised to take Maddy at any moment if Alex does something he does not like. And in no time at all there comes an opportunity for him to wield the Sword.
Alex gets a scholarship to a creative writing program in an adjoining state and wants to move. Sean threatens to take Maddy, reminding her the judge has found her to be unfit. Alex reacts by filing for a restraining order, thinking if she can prove Sean is abusive, he won’t get custody. But she realizes she cannot get “enough evidence”. That is the reality in Family Court: there never seems to be enough evidence, no matter how much, to prevent a father from getting custody.
HAPPY ENDING?
At the last minute, Sean admits his alcoholism makes him an unfit parent and lets Alex have sole custody. Notice it is Sean who decides he’s unfit and permits Alex to have custody, not the judge.
Alex is grateful she can pursue her dream of creative writing. She happily packs up and rides off with Maddy to her new life, finally free.
Or so she thinks…
The truth is, if Sean changes his mind, for whatever reason, Alex is right back in Family Court at the mercy of a judge who will likely give him custody. So she is not actually free from Sean or Family Court, nor will she be until Maddy turns 18. It would have been nice if this was made clear.
ANALYSIS
Of course it’s Hollywood, so whatever makes for a good story goes. But MSM plays a large part in both creating and deconstructing societal narratives, so it is an important medium to increase social awareness and make change.
“Maid” gets the main idea of the Custody Crisis right. It shows a judge ignoring negative evidence about a father and positive evidence about a mother in order to give the father custody. It rightly confirms that many victims of domestic violence experience this injustice. However, it misses the fact that it’s not just battered mothers; women routinely lose custody, abuse or not.
The story confirms emotional abuse as a serious form of domestic violence that is not taken seriously in Family Court. That’s good, but Alex did not appear to worry about Maddy’s safety when she was with Sean, who was portrayed as a loving, if flawed, father. This sympathetic portrayal of Sean plays into the entrenched patriarchal narrative that fathers are important in children’s lives even if they are abusers. In reality, children should be protected with supervised visits, even if the father is “just” a spousal abuser.
The super-happy ending where Alex rides off to college in control of her new life is pure Hollywood. The truth is, Sean is still in control. He is the one who voluntarily gave up custody, and he can get it back anytime he wants. Alex still has no real power over Maddy, even though she is her primary bond and caregiver.
So the most important fact this series misses is that no woman has the power to maintain custody or protect her children and does not for their entire childhoods. This is important for women and the public to understand so there is outrage and change will follow.
The way women can gain the power to maintain custody and protect our children is to unite as a class and demand a new system. Join The Women’s Coalition
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I really really wanted to like this and I'm pleased it's getting attention, but I was extremely disappointed in the downplay of the father in this story and completely unrealistic ending. This sends the wrong message in my opinion that abusers can "change" and do what's right for their children when that is not what is happening.
I had many similar thoughts while watching. I was impressed with many aspects of the story. It was the most real portrayal of family court and escaping abuse that I've seen. But there were many flaws. I would add to your assessment that the abuse endured by Alex should have been named as physical violence. Yes, there was emotional abuse too, but punching walls, throwing things, screaming in her face etc, that is all physical, domestic violence.