Betrayal Trauma & The Custody Crisis; Originator of BTT Wins Award
The Personal & Institutional Betrayal of Women Post-Separation
Women who are victims of the Custody Crisis are universally affected by a recently identified psychological phenomenon: “Betrayal Trauma”. This theory helps explain the unique trauma mothers who find themselves in Family Court experience.
Dr. Jennifer Freyd, the originator of Betrayal Trauma Theory [BTT], now empirically validated and widely accepted, has just won a prestigious award for her seminal work. She was granted the APA Gold Medal Award for Impact in Psychology. This award, given annually by the American Psychological Association, recognizes Psychologists whose work has been impactful, innovative, and transformational. It is certainly well-deserved and a long-overdue recognition, considering the impact Dr. Freyd’s work has had, not only in the field of Psychology, but on victims and advocates around the world over the course of three decades.
BTT describes the especially horrible trauma caused by personal and institutional betrayals—maltreatment by people and institutions on which victims are dependent. The theory is most often applied to victims of sexual abuse by fathers. When victims are able to come forward, as children or adults, they are secondarily betrayed by systems that are supposed to hold perpetrators accountable.
However, BTT also applies to women who have been abused/betrayed by their ex (personal) and by Family Court (institutional). The acknowledgement that this is a uniquely horrible form of trauma being inflicted upon women post-separation should aid in understanding the symptoms they’re experiencing are a natural response to these betrayals.
But let’s first take a look at the fascinating events which led up to Dr. Freyd embarking on her journey into betrayal academics.
DR. FREYD’S STORY
When Jennifer Freyd was 33 years-old, a few events converged that triggered memories of her father sexually abusing her as a child. At the time, she was happily married, a mother of two young children, and a Professor of Psychology at the University of Oregon. Up until that time, she had conveniently “forgotten” about it—until circumstances in 1990 caused the memories to surface.
The sexual abuse had spanned a decade or more, beginning when she was about 3 years-old and on into her teenage years. A suspicion that the feeling of betrayal by her father was key to her having “forgotten” the abuse led to her empirical research on the issue. She discovered that when a child is dependent on the perpetrator, they are much more likely to “forget”, often referred to as dissociation, as a means of adapting to the intolerable situation.
Jennifer had no plans to speak publicly about the abuse but her parents, fearing this may happen, began a campaign to discredit her—and all those victims who later remember sexual abuse. In their zeal, they formed the infamous False Memory Syndrome Organization [FMSO], now defunct, but whose theory that “recovered memories” are usually false, was a most effective tool to instill doubt about sexual abuse.
This came on the heels of the preschool sex abuse scandals in the ‘80’s which ended up being characterized by MSM as just a “Satanic Panic”. This labeling of genuine concern about children’s disclosures, for which there was abundant evidence, as hysteria was obviously propaganda disseminated by the OBN [Old Boy Network] to discredit children and the therapists to whom they had disclosed. There is a long history of the OBN covering up and enabling sexual abuse by fathers, most notably by Freud.
The FMSO succeeded in shifting sympathies from child victims to their named molesters, and there followed claims of a “witch hunt” of innocent fathers. The fault was placed on rabid feminist therapists who routinely “implanted” memories of sexual abuse into children’s minds. Victim advocates were mocked for their “Believe the Children” stance. [Note this predated the #metoo movement by decades, in which the public was encouraged (at least in social and indie media) to “believe the women”.]
Not surprisingly, since the FMSO folks were backed by the OBN, their bogus, false memory syndrome theory, unsupported by empirical evidence, made its way into college textbooks, popular talk shows, Supreme Court confirmation hearings, and, most damagingly, criminal courts, where “experts” used it to sow doubt in jurors’ minds. This bogus claim used in the criminal justice system that therapists implant memories of abuse was/is analogous to the bogus claim in the family court system that mothers coach children to disclose abuse. In both systems, the blame is shifted from the father, exonerating him. The OBN agenda.
BETRAYAL TRAUMA THEORY
Dr. Freyd was among the first to name betrayal of trust as uniquely affecting cognition, behavior, and memory, as well as emotions. Trauma theory generally focuses on fear as causative, whereas she discovered that betrayal, not fear, was often the overriding factor.
Freyd’s early work focused on interpersonal betrayals—victimization by family members or other persons in positions of trust. Her research identified that the betrayal component of the trauma causes memory formation disruptions. In her seminal treatise on the subject, Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse, she summarizes previous research on trauma and memory, then proposes her own Betrayal Trauma Theory.
Betrayal is the violation of implicit or explicit trust. The closer and more necessary the relationship, the greater the degree of betrayal. Extensive betrayal is traumatic. Much of what is traumatic to human beings involves some degree of betrayal.
The usual, healthy way for victims to respond to betrayal is to tell about it and hold the abuser accountable, or at the very least avoid him. But Freyd notes that there are situations in which it may feel dangerous or is impossible to respond in the normal way. It is often more advantageous for a child who is dependent on the perpetrator and cannot escape to be blind to the betrayal, i.e. “forget” it.
Betrayal Trauma theory posits that under certain conditions, betrayals necessitate a “betrayal blindness” in which the betrayed person does not have conscious awareness, or memory of the betrayal.
The child is put in a paradoxical situation: while it is traumatizing to be betrayed, it is also imperative that the child not see the perpetrator as a betrayer, as not knowing he was abusing her. Freyd’s not knowing about her father’s abuse consciously provides a good example. The victim may not have conscious accessibility to the memory until well beyond the time of the event(s) when the victim feels safe and is ready to know about it.
INSTITUTIONAL BETRAYAL & FAMILY COURT
In the early 2000’s, Dr. Freyd expanded her work from trauma caused by interpersonal betrayal to trauma caused by institutional responses to the abused and betrayed victims. She identified this phenomenon as “Institutional Betrayal Trauma”.
Freyd’s new theory applies to institutions of government, business, education, and religion that fail victims by not supporting them or holding their perpetrators accountable. Worse, they cover up the abuse and allow the perps to continue to victimize. A prime example is the Catholic Church cover up of sexual abuse by priests, documented compellingly in the movie “Spotlight”.
Although Freyd does not specifically include the institutional betrayal trauma caused women by Family Court, it fits her definition. Family Court is a government institution that women are dependent on to be able to maintain their relationship with their children and protect them after separation from the father. They have nowhere else to go. They cannot escape.
The institution of Family Court, via judges, too often betrays mothers. Custody is given to abusive and self-serving fathers.
The trauma caused by this Institutional Betrayal of Women by Family Court is multifaceted and includes, but is not limited to:
judges not holding men accountable for negligent parenting or abuse.
judges failing to prevent abuse via Restraining Orders or supervised visitation.
judges enabling the father to continue his abuse by giving him custody.
judges accusing women of being liars, alienators, or mentally ill.
judges disregarding and concealing evidence of abuse.
judges jailing mothers who take actions necessary to protect their children.
judges threatening mothers with loss of contact with their children.
judges silencing mothers with gag orders and sealing of records.
judges ruining mothers financially.
TAKEAWAYS
In summary, the primary Betrayal Trauma by victims of the Custody Crisis is personal: a woman’s ex trying to take her children and harming them. The secondary Betrayal Trauma is institutional: Family Court enabling men to take and harm their children.
Many women also experience tertiary Betrayal Trauma. Family, friends, and sometimes even their children support the abuser/betrayer. Or they do not actively support the mother. Or they do nothing to hold the father accountable, making him appear innocent—or worse, a victim of the mother. [Freyd identifies the family as an institution capable of causing Betrayal Trauma.]
Which is worse? Hard to say. Not that it matters—they are all horrific.
One thing is for certain: It is not surprising that women experience serious trauma symptoms due to all this betrayal. Freyd’s Betrayal Trauma Theory helps explain why victims of the Custody Crisis are so severely, and lastingly, traumatized.
Shame on all who betray mothers who have the sacred human role of gestating, giving birth to, nursing, and nurturing children; and, as the primary attachment figure, are vital to children’s healthy emotional and mental development.
To betray mothers is to seriously harm children and our society.
In order for patriarchy to succeed, the maternal values that focus on nurturing life must be discredited. The idea that honor is due to mothers must be destroyed. Violence against women must be legitimized. And if need be, the mother herself must be eliminated. It is not coincidental that matricide is at the heart of the story told in the Oresteia. Breaking the bonds between mother and child is the point of the story.
Carol P. Christ, PhD
Patriarchy is still alive and well in the family. Don’t let the OBN propaganda fool you into thinking it is not. It is no accident the Custody Crisis is a worldwide pandemic.
The empirical support of BTT provides validation for women. In Custody Crisis cases, it clearly puts the blame where it belongs: on the betrayers: the fathers and the Family Court system that empowers them. This should empower survivors to make change so this cannot continue.
Women must unite to to stop these betrayals by men and Family Court—the institution they created for the express purpose of continuing male entitlement and control in the family.
Join Women’sCoalitionInternational.org in our battle to empower women and eliminate Family Court.
If you have been betrayed, you are welcome to become part of our international family: Sisters in Solidarity, where our goal is to raise awareness about the Custody Crisis and engage in activism to end it. If you’d like to join, please fill out this form. Our next meeting will be on Saturday, May 18th.
NOTE: Due to apparent confusion of “Post-Separation Crisis” with “Post-Separation Abuse”, we will be using “Custody Crisis” more often now as it captures more clearly what the crisis is. It’s not about abuse; it’s about power, the power women need to maintain custody of their children.
IN OTHER NEWS
MESSAGE FROM A MOM
CHAPTER 15 IS PUBLISHED!
“And Just a Few More of Those Flat-Out...Betrayals of Trust” is Chapter 15 of Mother-Fucking: The Saga of One Fucked Mother.
In chapter 15, Legion discovers something sent to Herry that becomes the beginning of the end for her marriage. She experiences increasing emotional and sexual abuse by Herry. Contemplating religion in trying to make sense of her life, Legion realizes that the Bible was written by, for, and about men. In men’s Creation myth, women were written into the script as an afterthought as objects of men’s desires. And they deliberately portray woman as “bad” for “future” purposes. Legion decides that the Original Sin is not Eve having been evil but the big, big H of sexism: Hypocrisy.
Dr. Blue’s novel is based on her own experience of the Post-Separation Crisis. It uniquely conveys how Family Court judges are “mother-fucking” women—a form of systemic violence directed at ex-wives—as protagonist Legion is systematically and methodically deprived of her children and money and reduced to “one fucked mother”.
Chapters are stand-alone interesting so you can begin reading anywhere. A Cast of Characters follows to help readers at any point. All published chapters are included in the Women’s Coalition News & Views Section: “The Saga of One F**ked Mother”. Sequential chapters are published every Wednesday and subscribers will find them in their inboxes, so make sure to subscribe if you haven’t yet!
TEASERS
And neither my father nor my own mother had ever, ever prepared me for nor protected me from the arrival of the mail that last May day: the fruition of Dr. Herod Edinsmaier’s familial deconstruction. Its death.
Yep, and by verses 22 through 25, why, good ol’ Adam gets his woman all right. Second chapter only of this thing called the holy bible and it’s already all about him, him, him.
Women who piss off men and happen also to be those men’s children’s mothers are fucked again when they try to protect their children from that husband’s, well, outrage and wrath … from his revenge… Classic this ‘ownership’ behavior of males is—that is, of the husbanding thugs and the fathering brutes—over all of the entire Globe.
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All contributions, large and small, are greatly appreciated!
Patriarchy rules family court. Mothers are important. Women need to raise their children in peace. Many children are robbed of a safe, nurturing and happy childhood. They grow up terrified. Separating mothers and children is torturous. Mothers and children grieve their loss. Many do experience personal, institutional and tertiary Betrayal Trauma. Betrayal blindness makes sense with the overwhelming betrayal experienced. It provides a way of coping with the unbearable. Attempting to break the mother-child bond is sadistic. Patriarchy harms and destroys many women and children. Suffering takes a lifetime toll on them. Women must continue to fight for a new system. Family court must end.
Great piece. Says it all. Thank you.