Daughter "Stolen" by Family Court—Mom Cries Out after Baby Murdered by Ex

Court-Enabled Alienation: Also a Type of Death

A California mother is crying out publicly this week that her daughter was “stolen” from her by Family Court after a judge enabled her ex to murder her baby.

Ellie was stolen from me, her grandmother, and the rest of our family and friends in a brutal and evil manner.

We are experiencing an unbearable pain and our grief is overwhelming.

Dr. Chrystal Obi’s 3-year-old daughter’s body was discovered last weekend at a recycling facility. Her ex had murdered her on an overnight, unsupervised visit and thrown her body in a dumpster. After which he killed himself.

A truly evil act. But the father could not have murdered her without the aiding and abetting of a Family Court judge.

Chrystal had fought for three years—nearly Ellie’s entire short life—to protect her. As usual, despite abundant evidence her ex was dangerous, the judge granted him unsupervised visits. Not long after that, she was dead.

Now Chrystal is left to grieve the unbearable loss of her precious daughter.

This is yet another case of a woman desperately trying, and failing, to protect her child within a system that is oppressive and hostile to women, while being conciliatory towards and privileging men.

Judges cannot be trusted to do the right thing in custody cases. Too many end horribly as this one has. And it is not just custody cases that end in children’s death that are the problem. Countless cases result in mothers being alienated from their children, often a fate akin to death. More on that in the Takeaways.

First, Chrystal’s story.

CHRYSTAL’S STORY

Soon after Ellie was born in 2021, Chrystal’s husband began behaving badly. This is quite common for abusive men. Once they gain power through marriage or the birth of a child, they begin to abuse the power it gives them.

Her husband would disappear for long stretches of time and return extremely agitated—ranting and raving at Chrystal and Ellie. It was apparent he was abusing drugs.

He comes and goes at all hours of the day and night since the birth of our child, always with the excuse that he is studying, yet cannot be reached.

When Ellie was 5 months, after an especially abusive incident, it became clear he was a danger to them. Chrystal went ex-parte, requesting emergency sole custody.

His own niece wrote a declaration in support of Chrystal.

My uncle’s judgement has always been questionable, yet I never considered him to be cruel or vindictive until recently. His erratic behavior worries me greatly…

A temporary sole custody order was issued and her husband was rightly placed on supervised visits. But, as is so often the case with abusive men, his mother, who very likely does not have the power to stop his abuse, was allowed to be the supervisor.

As is also most often the case, after a short while during which her ex jumped through a few minor hoops—therapy and drug tests—he was granted unsupervised visits. This was despite the fact that Chrystal continued to say he was dangerous.

Within a year of the order restricting the father to supervised visits, it was officially lifted and Ellie was forced to visit him unsupervised, with even overnights.

Chrystal recently requested a move-away to Texas; it is unclear why. Amazingly, it was granted, which is highly unusual. Generally, judges are determined to keep women as near to their ex as possible.

On Ellie’s first visit with her father after the move-away was granted, he murdered her with a blow to the head and placed her body in the trash. He then proceeded to jump off a building and ended his own life. Ellie’s body was discovered last weekend at a recycling facility.

This was certainly a vindictive act meant to inflict maximum pain on the woman who had dared divorce him and was now daring to move away from him.

As horrible as this man was, women and the public should not get lost in outrage for about him. Vindictive men are a dime a dozen. The focus must be on the reason he was able to carry out this retaliatory act—a judge enabled it.

TAKEAWAYS

Chrystal’s ex was rightly ordered to be supervised, but it was only by his mother. This is way for judges to appear to be protecting a child while keeping the father in power. It is unlikely a mother can or would be able to stop her son from abusing or murdering a child.

In contrast, when women are wrongly placed on supervised visits, that never happens. Mothers are made to pay big bucks for supervision at a professional center, or by a supervisor, connected with Family Court. The difference: with fathers, judges want to interfere with as little as possible with their power in the family, while with mothers, the goal is to disempower and silence her about the father’s abuse.

3 year-olds should not be taken away from mothers, their primary attachment figure, for long periods of time or overnight. The prevailing—false—narrative and presumption (even if it is not in writing) in Family Court remains that fathers should get 50/50 parenting time, even of infants who are still breastfeeding.

Mandatory 50/50 is never in children’s best interests, unless both parents feel that is best for their kids. It can be catastrophic in cases where the father is not a good parent, which is the majority of custody cases. This pernicious fiction needs to be changed both culturally and legally.

MSM has done a better job than usual focusing on the fact that the court dropped the ball—easy to do when the father has murdered a child and committed suicide. However, they are calling it a “bitter custody dispute”, rather than what it is: a mother desperately trying to protect her child. Also, the judge was not named and there was no blame placed on the misogynistic system.

One media outlet interviewed a Family Court attorney from mostly a father’s perspective. He portrayed the problem as poor judges having to balance fathers’ and mothers rights. He made sure to give the FRA narrative that there was a serious problem of parents [read: mothers] making false allegations of abuse [by fathers].

In truth, judges do not have to “balance parent’s rights”. They must, first and foremost, by law and societal consensus, do what is in the best interests of the child. And giving custody and unsupervised visitation to a documented abuser is inarguably not in a child’s best interest.

Another media outlet interviewed a protective parent advocate [mostly mothers’ perspective]. She did say there was a systemic problem, but would not identify it as due to rampant sexism and the disempowering of women to keep and protect their children.

Ellie’s was yet another preventable death in a long list of children murdered by vengeful fathers after a Family Court judge disregards a mother’s well-founded pleas for safety. We have covered many such cases in the last few months: 3 More Kids Murdered & 1 Attempted—Despite New "Safe Child" Laws.

Au contraire, there is no crisis of mothers murdering children. In fact, that is extremely rare. This is, therefore, a gendered issue. It is generally men who are vengeful post-separation, despite the “vindictive woman” narrative embraced by family courts—as discussed in our column: Another Child Murdered by a Vengeful Ex after Judge Orders Joint Custody.

ALIENATION: A FORM OF DEATH

Chrystal is publicly crying out that Family Court has stolen her child by enabling the father to murder her. That is true. But Family Court also steals children from mothers by causing them to be alienated.

As horrible as court-enabled murders are, they are relatively rare in comparison with the epidemic of court-enabled, and often court-ordered, alienation being inflicted on mothers. Being alienated from children, especially on the more severe end of the spectrum, is for a mother a type of death.

The bond the alienated mother once had with her children is significantly damaged, sometimes completely destroyed—the intended goal. In many cases, the mother never again sees her children (or future grandchildren). This is truly a form of death of their precious child(ren) of whom they were once the primary nurturer.

Mothers are being alienated from their precious children every day in Family Courts around the world. These mothers are not getting enough support and the public has not been made aware of this maternal genocide.

This is in large part due to the protective parent campaign to ban alienation. If mothers cannot use the term that accurately describes their plight and organize as a constituency, they cannot get support or public attention.

So we are starting the Alienated Mothers Alliance for that purpose.

If you are an alienated mother anywhere in the world, please fill out this form and you’ll be invited to our zooms.

You can also join us at our new, private Facebook group.

NOTE: Even if you are not ready to join our zoom get togethers or FB group, please fill out the form to help us document the epidemic.

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IN OTHER NEWS

SIS FORUM

Thanks to all our Sisters in Solidarity for joining our July forum yesterday. You are performing a great service to Women’s Empowerment by engaging in activism to end the Custody Crisis.

If you’d like to join SIS, please fill out this form. More info here. You will receive an invitation to the zoom a few days before [check alternate inboxes].

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COMING SOON: CUSTODY CRISIS EXPOSED! VIDEOCAST

The Women’s Coalition is starting a videocast and you can subscribe to our Youtube channel to be notified.

The first episodes will be about how women are being falsely labeled and found by judges to be “Mad or Bad” by judges in the Family Court agenda to switch custody to fathers.

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CHAPTER 23 IS OUT!

“Mawwiage: Thy Scientific Name, Thy Scorched‑Earth Plague, is Misogyny” is Chapter 23 of The Saga of One Fucked Mother. [This chapter is too long for a newsletter, so the next part will be posted next week.]

In this chapter, it’s Halloween time but Legion doesn’t have the time or energy for costumes or festivities for the boys, as she is engulfed with court tasks: forms to be filled out, documents to be submitted about the 12-year marriage and finances, and an essay about herself—well, herself as a mother and wife only. The  “court” wasn’t interested in her doctoral and other achievements; those may even work against her—the first taste of the structural sexism and misogyny that undergirds Family Court…

Dealing with these divorce-related chores causes Legion “nausea and the desire to resist” these activities.  She learns later it’s common for women to experience this nauseousness, to “want to puke”, when dealing with Family Court paperwork.

In the last chapter, Legion finds a divorce attorney and unknowingly enters the “mother-fucking” Family Court, in which her entire marriage and motherhood and self will be reduced to “the case”. In retrospect, she understands that Herry could easily take her kids from her because he can. Because a man just has to accuse a woman of being “nutty or slutty” (re: Anita Hill) and a judge, working within the “androcentric” system, will gladly bequeath him his “property”. Herry was licensed by the court to wreak his revenge, to “gut the bitch”, to “obliterate” Legion for having dared step out of line and asked him to work on his sex addiction so as to save their family.

Dr. Blue’s novel is based on her own experience of the Custody Crisis. It uniquely conveys how Family Court judges are “mother-fucking” women—a form of systemic oppression and violence directed at ex-wives—as protagonist Legion is systematically and methodically deprived of her children and money and reduced to “one fucked mother”.

Chapters are stand-alone interesting so you can begin reading anywhere. A Cast of Characters follows to help readers at any point [on the web page]. All published chapters are included in the Section: “Saga of One F**ked Mother” accessible on the top bar of the home page of Women’s Coalition News & Views. Sequential chapters are published every Wednesday and subscribers will find them in their inboxes, so make sure to subscribe if you haven’t yet!

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