In Judges' Own Words: Quotes that Discredit Mothers, Exculpate Fathers
Submit Quotes from Your Judge in New Campaign
“In the Judge’s Words” is a novel campaign launched by the British nonprofit Riverlight.
Quotes have been collected since February that show how Family Court judges routinely discredit mothers while exculpating fathers.
Riverlight conducted research through collecting firsthand accounts from survivors who recount appalling statements made by those intended to uphold justice and protect the vulnerable.
Using judges’ own words to expose how they degrade mothers and vindicate fathers in contested custody cases is a great way to shine light on the Custody Crisis.
The findings from this campaign are deeply disturbing. Examples include judges minimising or dismissing abuse…
Like research published earlier this year in a UK journal [covered in our column: Groundbreaking Study Confirms Judges Are Knowingly Enabling Molester Fathers], this campaign stands out for asserting that judges (at least sometimes) are deliberately disparaging mothers and dismissing abuse by fathers.
That is great, but unfortunately some observations and findings by the campaign do not comport with the reality of the Crisis. That will be discussed in TAKEAWAYS.
Because this campaign is such a good idea, we’ve decided to launch our own international campaign in which we will collect judicial quotes from all over the world: In Judges’ Own Words (International) and post them in a future column. [See below for details.]
“IN THE JUDGE’S WORDS”
This is a selection of quotes from the Riverlight campaign. All quotes can be found on their page.
Just because he raped one child doesn't mean he'll rape the other. If he does you can always call the police, but before you do remember I don't appreciate mothers bad-mouthing fathers.
I accept the dad strangled you, but I also accept you goaded him into it.
Domestic violence is a 50/50 thing. [To a mother who has a restraining order against the father.]
You’re a very silly girl. I know he was abusive, it has no bearing on him as a father.
We are not interested in things that happened two years ago. [In response to audio evidence of the father abusing the child.]
Whilst I acknowledge a prolonged period of abuse, coercion and gaslighting [rolls eyes] it’s not like you were beaten, it wasn’t that bad.
Just because he was violent towards you does not mean he will hate your children the way he hates you.
Grow up and get over it. [In response to a survivor sharing the abuse she suffered.]
It is better to have a bad dad, than no dad.
Shut up and be quiet! Otherwise I’ll have social services investigate you.
It is a matter of opinion whether a rapist can also be a good father.
It is more likely you have caused these injuries to yourself in order to get the father in trouble.
Maybe one day you’ll be able to forget what happened [the abuse], move on and talk to him!
I accept the father has masturbated in front of the child, but this is not a welfare concern. [Then went on to give the father unsupervised overnight contact.]
Your child would be better off if you die than if you separate from the father.
What possible harm could he do in one hour?
I don't have time to consider evidence and if I do, it may make it harder to make the ruling I need to make.
So he's breached the order twice, is it really that bad? This is nonsense. [Less than 3 months later, the father again refused to return the child and was never returned.]
MORE QUOTES
These are quotes that have been shared by mothers outside of the Riverlight campaign.
Even if the sexual abuse happened, the only way this family is going to move forward and you are going to keep these kids is if, from here on out, you’re acting like it didn’t happen.
I don't dislike the mother. I have a very dim view of her.
I know he's substantiated as the perpetrator of severe child abuse and involved in criminal investigations due to the same, but the term perpetrator/offender is harsh. Let's call him dad.
Reunification is the goal of this court...Severe abuse or not, prepare the child for it.
He's only abused 3 children, he's not abused the youngest.
The Court has already made findings that we’re going to reunify these children with their father whether the [sexual] abuse occurred or not.
You can comment here with quotes from your judge and/or submit them in our new campaign linked below.
TAKEAWAYS
Although a great idea, this campaign misleads viewers in a few important ways.
It identifies the crisis as happening to “survivors” of domestic abuse. It does not use the word “women”, nor does it mention that this kind of language is also used with women in cases where DA is not reported. This obfuscates the true cause of the crisis being discrimination and oppression of women, not just abuse survivors. This is gone over in more depth in the Domestic Abuse Rabbit Hole column.
The campaign focuses on the fact that this appalling use of language by judges violates human rights. While true, that needs to be extrapolated to the fact that Family Court is designed so judges have the power to violate rights, and this use of language is just one of the many ways they do. This is discussed in the Rights and Laws Rabbit Hole column.
A two-part solution is being proposed. There needs to be more judicial training and more judicial accountability (the usual).
The training fix they propose is for cases supposedly involving judges who do not understand abuse and this is the reason for their ruling. But this is such a small number (if any) that it should not be proposed as a solution. It will make no difference in the crisis. The quotes show the judges obviously knew exactly what they were doing.
The siren song of “More Accountability!” is enticing but dangerously diversionary. First, it is impossible within the family court system to provide true accountability for judges. Second, having to go through a process—after losing custody—in which a mother has to prove the judge did something so wrong that the judge is not only disciplined but removed from the case is unreliable and takes a long time. And it’s even longer having to start from scratch with a new judge—who’ll likely be just as bad as the first. And by that time, mother and child have suffered greatly and children have been influenced against the mother.
No, neither training nor accountability is the answer. Judges must not be given the power to decide custody in the first place. That life-altering decision must only be made by a jury in a regular civil court with all the due process protections therein.
Thought experiment: Take each judicial quote above and imagine a judge in a regular civil court saying that in front of the public and a jury. Wouldn’t happen. Simply would not, could not happen. Judges are not allowed in real courts to chime in with opinions and insults. They are held to a much higher standard.
Probably the most critical thing missing from the campaign’s findings, though, is the pinpointing of judicial language as methodical. The problem is not so much that it is demeaning or dismissive as that it systematically discredits mothers and exonerates fathers for the specific goal of bequeathing custody upon said fathers. Hence, it is merely one judicial weapon in the broader custody-switching scheme.
Join The Women’s Coalition where we are fighting for a new system in which judges do not have the power to take and endanger our children.
INTERNATIONAL CAMPAIGN
Since the Riverlight campaign is only for the UK, The Women’s Coalition is starting an international version: In Judges’ Own Words.
If you’d like to participate, put a quote by your judge in this form. If you don’t remember the exact quote, you can put it in your own words.
You may remain anonymous.
You may also send quotes to: womenscoalitionintl@gmail.com. Please include the judge’s name (optional) and where you are from. Note whether the quote is from a transcript or memory.
A future column will include all quotes submitted.
[If you are from the UK, you can also email your quote to Riverlight: haveyoursay@riverlight.org.uk]
NOTE: Unless otherwise noted, all columns are written by Cindy Dumas, M.A., founder of The Women’s Coalition and victim of the Custody Crisis. Two judges knowingly gave custody of her children to the molester father. A brief recap here: savingdamon.com.
IN OTHER NEWS
SISTERS IN SOLIDARITY
Sisters in Solidarity will not be meeting this month due to the holidays. The next forum will be on January 18th.
If you’d like to join SIS, please read this column and fill out this form. You will receive an invitation to the zoom a few days before [check alternate inboxes].
CHAPTER 27 PART 3 IS OUT!
This section of Chapter 27 begins with Legion going over a handwritten list by Herry, in which he admits “opprobrious truths” that should have precluded him from getting sole custody. He told the Court Legion fabricated it, which could have easily been disproven. But the judge ignored it and also that Herry had not produced discovery or answered interrogatories. This is part of the custody-switching scheme, since the Appellate Court cannot take into account evidence not on the trial court record.
Legion refuses to submit to “therapy” overseen by Herry and that is used to deny any visits with her boys, but she sneaks and spends time with them after school. However, she must spend another entire holiday season alone, rocking and rocking to cope with the loss of her precious boys.
Part 3 begins with Legion having decided to appeal the fraudulent and unjust verdict of sole custody for Herry and zero visitation for her. But her attorney requires a small fortune up front and she’s already been drained of everything from litigating the two lower court trials. She desperately looks for someone who can loan her money so she can do the appeal…
In the last section, the judge grants Herry his request—sole custody and complete control over whether Legion gets visits with the boys. She is required to undergo a “mental health program” meant to silence her about Herry’s abuse and get her to get with the program.
CHAPTER 27 of Mother-Fucking: The Saga of One Fucked Mother begins with Act I of “The Opera”—from Book 3, the last part of the book. “The Opera” has three Acts with five Parts—one for each of the three Family Court and two Appellate Court trials. Chapter 27 covers Acts I and II: the first two Family Court trials and the first Appellate Court trial. [This is a long chapter and will be published in newsletter-sized bites.]
Dr. Blue’s novel is based on her own experience of the Custody Crisis. It uniquely conveys how Family Court judges are “mother-fucking” women—a form of systemic oppression and violence directed at ex-wives—as protagonist Legion is systematically and methodically deprived of her children and money and reduced to “one fucked mother”.
Chapters are stand-alone interesting so you can begin reading anywhere. A Cast of Characters follows to help readers at any point [on the web page]. All published chapters are included in the Section: “Saga of One F**ked Mother” accessible on the top bar of the home page of Women’s Coalition News & Views. Sequential chapters are published every Wednesday and subscribers will find them in their inboxes, so make sure to subscribe if you haven’t yet!
TEASERS
Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s all came and all went; and I had had no Truemaier Boys with me at any time. Grace, Lionel, László, Judd, Linda, Margaret, Abraham, Adam and I righteously refused to put together a proposal of “a program of mental therapy” for me … None of his ex‑cunt’s non‑cooperation pleased Herry.
I rocked. The chill grew deeper. Weeks passed. Nights and days and nights and days and nights and days. I rocked.
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All contributions are greatly appreciated & thanks to everyone who has subscribed!
Another quote: "A domestic violence shelter is no place for a child." This was from a judge who gave a child back to a violent batterer after the mother, beaten badly, went with her daughter to a domestic violence shelter.
We have some terrible judges in OC. There is one family law judge, whose courtroom is in Santa Ana, who refuses to let moms see their children at all-- even on Zoom --after theri husbands accuse them of being bad wives. That same judge is also pushing transgender operations on children. One judge in Bakersfield allowed a convicted rapist dad to force elective plastic surgery on his six year old daughter's nose (which looked fine before) over the mother's objections. That judge saw no problem with the little girl living with a convicted child rapist who had also convicted drug dealers living in the house. Women are now third class citizens and children are are victims of terrible injustices that don't stop.
Recently in a CLA discussion, I pointed out the extreme misogyny taking place in the courtrooms and the two former judges on the panel insisted that misogyny did not happen in the courts.
Judge Wallace, “While it is clear that you were an exemplary mother, the children’s father has not participated in their lives up to this point, so I am granting him custody of the youngest two children of the five in order to give him a chance to try being a father.”
The children were ages 13,14,15,16, and 17 at the time. My youngest 2 children were taken by force as they screamed and begged and cried.
They didn’t see me or their siblings for 10 months.
While in his “care” my daughter cut her wrists and was raped ending up in a psychiatric hospital. My son was hospitalized for being septic after his appendix ruptured and he received no care for 5 days. Social services found he was severely malnourished. They ran away and I was arrested.