"My Family Died": Mother Tells Her Story in Heartbreaking, Viral Video

And: Introducing the Solo Moms Collective!

In a heartbreaking, tear-filled video entitled “Story Time: My Family Died”, a UK mother tells the story of how her precious daughter was taken from her in an act of vengeful violence by her ex. The video has gone viral garnering nearly 700K views.

This is the story of how my family died last year … I didn't know if I would make it, to be honest.

But I did. I'm here to tell the story.

[Trigger Warning]

RACHAEL’S STORY

Rachael had what she describes as a “turbulent” relationship with her boyfriend, Ashley. It is unclear whether this rose to the level of domestic violence legally, but she apparently did not file for a Restraining Order.

When their daughter, Oria, was one-year-old, she finally had enough. She decided to end their relationship.

Ashely was given unsupervised, overnight visitation with Oria on alternate weekends. Things appeared to have gone relatively well for months—at least there was no public report of abuse or neglect.

About six months following the separation, Rachael began a new romantic relationship. Ashley was not happy about that.

Shortly after this, Ashley planned a Fathers Day weekend at a seaside resort on a special, four-day visitation with Oria. He invited Rachael to come along. She declined.

Rachael dropped Oria off at daycare that Thursday morning. She told her she loved her and would see her on Sunday at 4:00 pm when her father would return her.

On Sunday, Ashley made a video call to Rachael showing Oria having fun with a bubble gun. Rachael remarked how happy Oria looked playing with the bubbles. It was 1:45pm and they were heading back.

At four o’clock, when he had not yet arrived with Oria, Rachael began to worry. By 4:30, she was increasingly concerned and called her mother. Then she called his mother. Everyone said not to worry. But she did.

A couple hours later, she was summoned to the hospital where police informed her they had both been killed in a head-on accident. Rachael was supposed to make the identification of Oria but could not bear to. So her mother did.

Everyone assumed it had been a terrible accident, but Rachael told police she did not think it was. She said she suspected it was deliberate due to his anger about their relationship ending and her beginning a new one.

The lorry dashcam confirmed the head-on was a deliberate act. The investigation found that Ashley had been planning the murder-suicide for weeks. Additionally, the coroner determined that Oria was most likely dead before the crash.

Of course she was.

Ashley wanted to make absolutely sure Oria was dead before he killed himself. After all, that was the whole point—to get revenge by taking from her whom she loved most. He was not going to take a chance she would survive the crash and he did not.

Rachael believes Ashley invited her to come along on the trip because he wanted to kill both of them. She thinks the only reason she is alive today is because she refused his invitation.

Ashley had sent the video of Oria before the murder looking so happy to really rub it in, to make the horror even worse, if that is possible, to inflict maximum pain on Rachael—the woman who dared leave him and start another relationship.

Rachael still cannot wrap her mind around how he, or anyone, could murder his own child out of spite.

I don’t understand how one could take their own child’s life out of spite. And have planned it, weeks before. It’s psychotic.

POEM BY RACHAEL

When all I have left
Is photos of you
When I all I left
is a memory
When all I have left
Is a lock of your hair
To remind me
You existed
My darling girl
You deserved so much more
My job was to love you
And that I still do
Forever and always
My sweet innocent little girl
When all I have left
Is the daily pain
Of being childless
When all I have left
Is an ache in my heart
I remain grateful
That you chose me
Grateful for the lessons
You posed upon me
I remain purposeful
With the rest of me life
Until it’s my time
Where you greet me
With your little arms
And I hear you say
“Mummy”
That’s when I’ll know
I’m finally home

TAKEAWAYS

There have been, sadly, so many father-child murders in the news the last few months. The takeaways from past columns highlighting those stories apply to Rachael’s case as well so we won’t go over them all. But you can read about them here: Sophie, Chrystal, and Mona, Hope & Allie.

As pointed out previously, these cases support that it is typically men who get vengefully violent following separation, not women. And father-child murder is just the most extreme form of abuse committed. A decent majority of custody cases involve sexual abuse, physical abuse, or neglect by exes/fathers.

So, research and lived experience (and common sense) confirm that it is not women/mothers who are commonly vengefully abusive post-separation, as the patriarchal narrative holds, yet this false narrative is still in family courts.

The most common version of this fiction is: The vindictive mother is coaching her child to falsely report abuse to alienate her/him from the father. [To be clear: judges do not believe this; they simply use it to hang their hat on.]

All in all, despite the fact that #notallmen abuse children, far too many do. And, as stated, the large majority involved in custody cases do.

So…it’s time to change the societal narrative—and the law—to reflect reality.

The vast majority of mothers are super-protective and too many fathers are abusive, violent, or neglectful. Not to mention mothers gestate, give birth, and nurse children, and are their primary attachment figure.

This means women should automatically have legal and physical custody of children when a relationship ends. No judicial or court intervention should be necessary. That may sound radical but only because patriarchal narratives are so deeply instilled into public consciousness. And men have always (well, at least for 10K years) had the ability to control the narrative.

The only way women can prevent being victims of the Custody Crisis is if they use an anonymous sperm donor. Even when they do that, they cannot have any relationship in which a man plays any role whatsoever in parenting their child(ren), or best—does not even meet them. Because, as illustrated in previous stories, even men who are not the biological father are able to take custody away from mothers.

The truth is, women’s only real power is in choosing if and with whom we decide to have children. Maybe if women take the alternate reproductive path of not having children or having them solo it would provide leverage to implement a law that automatically grants mothers primary custody with decision-making power (unless it can be proven via a jury that she has abused her child(ren).

Then finally, after millennia of men having the Power to Take and Abuse our children, we will regain our power to Keep & Protect them.

If you’d like to become a Solo Mom [having kids without a father] or know someone who does, we’re beginning a group and collecting names to hook y’all up. You can join the Solo Moms Collective by filling out this form.

We owe it to our children to demand change.

Join The Women’s Coalition where we are fighting for the power to Keep & Protect!

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IN OTHER NEWS

CHAPTER 23, PART 2 IS OUT!

“Mawwiage: Thy Scientific Name, Thy Scorched‑Earth Plague, is Misogyny” is Chapter 23 of Mother-Fucking: The Saga of One Fucked Mother. This is Part 2.

In the second part of Chapter 23, Legion meets with the legally required divorce counselor and that does not go well. The misogyny displayed by this court-affiliated counselor stuns her and provides an early piece in the puzzle of systemic oppression of women after separation. It supports Legion’s eventual realization that everyone affiliated with Family Court is there to aid and abet the father, and the larger truth—that marriage itself is a misogynistic institution having been implemented to cinch male control in the family, i.e. “matrimonial bondage”.

In the first part of this chapter, Legion finds a divorce attorney and unknowingly enters the “mother-fucking” Family Court, in which her entire marriage and motherhood and self will be reduced to “the case”. In retrospect, she understands that Herry could easily take her kids from her because he can. Because a man just has to accuse a woman of being “nutty or slutty” (re: Anita Hill) and a judge, working within the “androcentric” system, will gladly bequeath him his “property”. Herry was licensed by the court to wreak his revenge, to “gut the bitch”, to “obliterate” Legion for having dared step out of line and asked him to work on his sex addiction so as to save their family.

In the last chapter, Legion consults with friends about how to go about hiring an attorney after Herry serves her divorce papers. She gets some unsettling advice and discovers that her friend, Margaret, lost custody of her five children during her divorce and was financially devastated. She rarely saw her children again. Legion could not understand then how a mother could lose custody of any children, much less five. She had no idea at the time the same fate awaited her.

Dr. Blue’s novel is based on her own experience of the Custody Crisis. It uniquely conveys how Family Court judges are “mother-fucking” women—a form of systemic oppression and violence directed at ex-wives—as protagonist Legion is systematically and methodically deprived of her children and money and reduced to “one fucked mother”.

Chapters are stand-alone interesting so you can begin reading anywhere. A Cast of Characters follows to help readers at any point [on the web page]. All published chapters are included in the Section: “Saga of One F**ked Mother” accessible on the top bar of the home page of Women’s Coalition News & Views. Sequential chapters are published every Wednesday and subscribers will find them in their inboxes, so make sure to subscribe if you haven’t yet!

TEASERS

That beautiful land that summer of 1988, like mine and the Truemaier Boys’ too, had simply gone down blazing in smoke and flames.  

Scorched Earth we were.  All of us. 

It is as if, instead, both Mehitable and AmTaham merely wanted their daughters bound down, way, way down, through and by matrimonial bondage.  Same‑old, ages‑old story for young girls and for old women all the World over for the last 12,000 years.  All of these millennia—what a waste.  An utter waste of us, the World’s majority wealth and resource.  We, the 53 percent.    

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